...alley...

Threw it behind as he walked on, slowly blending into the darkness of the alley. He looked back once, despite the warnings: "those that look back can't leave it behind"...

He couldn't leave it. He got consumed as well. At times when he wonders why he looked back, he comes very close to believing in a destiny...

He looked up and asked. "It doesn't end does it?"

The voice says, "It wasn't meant to be made any easier than before was it?"

"He was looking for something." they said, "Couldn't find what he was looking for. You could never find what he was looking for, for what he was looking for couldn't be looked upon."

And he was lost to those voices again, wandering around, blindfolded, bouncing from one wall to the other, looking for space; and when the ground below gave in and the walls expanded endlessly, he tried grabbing desperately on to something that could be grabbed. And at those points maybe he felt how irrelevant it was to want or find. When existence escapes you by, do you wonder why you didn't want to exist?...

... he often wonders how nothing would make sense without existence, yet we are tired of making sense, some of us that try to, nevertheless... we wonder what is the point of these actions and mechanisms... why does one have to suffer (or not suffer, for that matter)... How luxurious non-existence seems when we are faced with the unanswerable "why"

Everything made sense to him when he walked halfway out of the dark alley. Maybe not sense, but a feeling of pleasure. And when they asked him what pleasure was, he vaguely remembered saying, "All those things that make you want to exist."

He forgot that feeling.

Once in a while he still gets close to throwing it behind and fade out of the dark alley. But till now, he had always looked back. He has also felt hatred towards those that want to exist. And that made him hate himself, for he never wanted to wish ill. "But this is how it is in the alley. You go around in circles," they say "and you want to cease to exist..."

They don't know why.

Some say ... "its because the alley robs you of some act that belongs to the other side of the darkness... something, failing to grasp which, he looks back every time..."