He's tired of walking the circle. Sounds and colours that he tries so hard to distort into fragments of incoherent pitches and hues. His mind is in schism - should he be afraid of the wholeness of those that best remain fragmented and obscured? Or should he refuse to be afraid and concieve of them as a whole?
"Ignorance is like a two faced coin," he said to himself once. But he can't decide which side to look upon, for he had already taken a peek.
He walks around the circle coming back to the same unwanted spots over and over again; sometimes tired of anticipating the desired spots and passing them by. And he wishes hard to stumble upon the next circle, and for that one revolution, where all the shapes are new and all the colours and sounds are new. But the closest thing he can do to get to the other circles is to wish. So he wishes, sometimes as hard as he can, until it comes.
He wondered once, about how the best thing and the worst thing about going to another circle was the fact that you could never tell when it would happen, or what you could do to make it happen, or whether it would happen at all.
He mostly walked, sometimes tired and wishing, but mostly he walked.
3 comments:
I feel that there are feelings being oppressed or buried.
"...sometimes tired and wishing, but mostly he walked."
Wishing what exactly?
Maybe its not a circle at all. It could be concentric circles and he keeps going to the one thats bigger after he completes trudging along the circumfrence of one.Maybe the differences are so subtle they are lost in the routine of the preconcieved routine.
Wishfulness and worry doesnt amount to much I've seen. (notice how I didn't say 'learned' instead of 'seen', because i still do it)
Insightful & interesting post as always.
to Nab: wishing for the other circle. and yes maybe there are, for there are always some that are oppressed and buried.
thanks
to Hana: great perspective.
It could be concentric circles or it could be jumps. jumps fit in more with our way of looking at things becaue sometimes you dont really know how you got from one to the other, simply because we dont see diminishing units of continuation. So stricly speaking all you know is that it changes, but not how it changes after a certain discrete point.
And yes in a way thats what it says, that maybe (and the "maybe" is very important) wishfulness doesn't amount to anything, but the passage of time. and maybe because he sees that, its so hard for him. He keeps on walking the circle nevertheless. but wishfulness has its own dilemma much like the two faced coin of Ignorance.
Ignorance is a two faced coin. its a troubling situation, or unique if you will, more so for those that have seen both sides of it.
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